Monday, March 2

I invite you, therefore, in the name of the Church, to the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God's holy Word." -Book of Common Prayer, p. 265

I did it. I gave up music for Lent. I tried really hard to avoid it, to tell myself that I don't need to make such a huge sacrifice, that giving up music is actually too much, it takes too much out of me and it leaves my spirit feeling empty. Then I realized that if I need music to create spiritual fullness, I'm probably seeking it in the wrong place. Don't get me wrong, I (clearly) love music and think it has extraordinary value. And I really do think it can be a wonderful part of my spiritual life. But being afraid of having more time with God because I'll feel a lack of spirituality makes me reconsider music's place in my life. 

And it's hard. Every single day it's a struggle, attempting to sit calmly in my own thoughts, the silence a reminder that I could use this time to pray, because I can't fill it up with anything else. On Ash Wednesday, Dwight told me how he was giving up TV again this year, something he's done for many years before this. He said that last year he ended up watching most of the shows he would watch on his computer anyway. He said he's clarified his tv fast this year so that won't happen again. I'm finding my own little ways around the whole notion of silence, podcasts, books on tape, tv...But it's still more silence than I'm used to, it's still more time with God. 

I'm ready to feel like Lauren Winner predicts she will feel about her reading fast: "that first year it was hard, at times unbearable. But I have renewed the practice every Lent, and I find, as we wind our way through Epiphany, that I look forward to my Lenten devotion. I look forward to the space it clears out in my brain. I look forward to the quiet time in which I hear only my words and God's words, not the printed words on the pages of all those books." 

I love Lent and the opportunity Lent provides me to take a break from my normal routine and refocus on my relationship with God. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard.

Jesus,

receive our love and worship.

Show us how to give you what we have,

for nothing is too big or small

for us to offer, or for you to use.

-A New Zealand Prayer Book, p. 584

As a side note, there are plenty of caveats for this idea of "giving up music" for Lent. I allow music when it's in a shared environment, just not when I'm alone and/or initiating it simply for myself.